When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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