Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
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I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
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You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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