Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
