Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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