Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
