you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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