Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
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He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
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Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize