You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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