How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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