his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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