i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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