Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.