Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
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God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
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Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.