THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
