Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.