I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?