She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.