also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
