those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
