how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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