Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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