Where is the hickey?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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