What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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