Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Drunk walkin through police station. America
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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