the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
this beer tastes like vomit already
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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