I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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