I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
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I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
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I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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