So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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