i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
