Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
