The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
