He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
