It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
