And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
