I cannot find my penis.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
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i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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