At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize