i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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