Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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