drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
