I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
