i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
