Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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