i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i think i have two assholes
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize