I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize