Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
