Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
