i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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