What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I could fuck to npr.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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