he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
