Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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