woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
