is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
