I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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