I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Holy sore nipples Batman
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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