I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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