3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
