Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
