Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
what food is Colorado known for?