And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink