Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
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the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
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I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom