the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.