i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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