She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
