So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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