Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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