I will die if light touches me.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
