She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
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