420 ftw
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
