Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
