i don't like sucking hair
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
