She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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